My diary - 26.09.20 05:16

THE WAY TO WHICH I WANNA RUN

  Sometimes,especially these days I wish I was born in a different family or in a different country.I wish I lived in a village or a place where people respect others' decisions.If someone takes a decision,noone judges her.If she wants to change her life,people show a little support or at least they can respect and shut up!!

    I wish I could be stronger.But I AM NOT and it won't change,I know.So I need someone to protect me from those people and their awful comments.That person can only be my husband.He is strong and can do anything for me.But the problem is,he is not always with me.Five days in a week I am alone with my mother and I have to live face to face with all people aroud me.

    By the way,I didn't share my decision with anyone yet.But I can guess what the reaction will be.The will think someone has influenced me -my husband- and I am gonna do that by force because of him.But NO..

    This is my own decision and one day I will do that.It may not be today or sooner,but one day it will come true inshallah.Maybe after I start living with my husband I can feel more comfortable.And I can feel I don't have to explain everything.For now,I AM BORED.I feel myself having no personality.I feel like I am living only for the people around me,and I care their thoughts about me more than necessary.

    I wish Allah gives me some patience and everthing l be allright.I didnt share this decision with my husband too because if I share he will support me and he can talk with my family to let me do whatver I want. But I want things to be easier.I wait Allah gives them more religious lives.I don't want to get what I want by fighting.I want my family-who say they have very modern lifestyles-to respect me.My mum prays too like me but she have never had the idea to wear headscarf.I want to be closer to Allah.YA RAB, help this poor girl.I don't want to cry anymore.


    Today, 4th. month of my marriage and I am very happy and  proud of my husband.I love him so much.Inshaallah soon we will come together and marry in real without leave each other for a second.I want to spend all my life near him.I am sure he will stand by me forever..

Happy 4th Month ya HAYATYY. ANA BAHEBAK.

 REYHAN
26.09.10   05:16 am